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Friday, June 4, 2010

6-4 This Isn't Going to Last Forever?

Location: Some Döner place in the Bremerhaven Hauptbahnhof
Listening to: Mark O’Connor - Fancy Stops and Goes
Well, I feel like I pretty much blew my last day in Germany.  It’s been one of the most beautiful days since I got here and I’ve been on trains, in train stations, or in a museum for probably 90% of it - oh well.  I just don’t have the ambition to keep walking 8-10 miles with my backpack each day.  Today wasn’t bad, I guess, just a bit of a letdown.  I came to the museum here in Bremerhaven to see the emigration records of the Bodes and maybe some of the other branches, and after today I really wish I would have worked a little harder to find the names and dates for all 4 of my grandparents’ lines.  Either the Bodes used a different port or their record has been lost and unfortunately it’s probably the latter: over 3 million Germans emigrated via this port from 1850 to 1900 and the vast majority of the ships bound for the States left from this city.  I was a little upset not to find anything, but I think I’m just spoiled from my stay in Mariensee and Empede.  When I searched Tewes, Bader, and Rolloff I found hundreds of results, but I don’t have those names written down and I don’t know when they came over.
All that aside, the museum was still very interesting.  I didn’t fully realize how important the ports like Bremerhaven or Hamburg really were for so long until I came here.  This city used to be called “The Town of 600 pubs” - too bad I can’t spend the night up here...
I guess this is it - tomorrow night I’ll be in my bed in Barcelona.  It’s all very surreal and I’m tempted to make some huge analogy like Hemingway’s been doing in For Whom the Bell Tolls, but I’ll spare you for now.  Connecting to my family’s history in the ways I’ve been able to do has somehow made my history both more and less important to me - more visceral and important but not engrossing in the way that museums or classes have been to me in the past.  Not on this trip, anyway.  I’m probably a bit “touristed out”.  I feel a pang every time I pull out a camera or use the wheels on my backpack, like I having a flashing neon “TOURIST” over my head.  In a similar way, it’s changed the way I view “new people”.  In some ways, I’m now more cynical than before: There were people last night who I met and deliberately avoided last night in a harsher way than I’d normally have done.  At the same time, saying goodbye to new friends just hours after you meet them can be utterly depressing.  I don’t know whether Emily and Julia will see this, but I for one was really sad to say goodnight to you guys and know I wouldn’t see you again.  Did we talk about this on the way back?  I don’t really remember...anyway, it’s both made me cherish the time that I’m given to know someone and somehow made their departure more bearable.  It’s been a learning experience, to be sure, and I wish everyone had a chance to do this at some point.
And tomorrow I begin an even bigger leg.  It’s hard to believe it’ll only be six weeks, given that my three weeks here feel like I barely had time to blink, but I think it will be a dramatic learning experience.  I’m looking forward to this fall not because I want to leave and not even because I miss so many of you back in the States - I’m most curious to see how I’ve changed by that point, and whether the changes stick.  Call it egotistical if you like, but I know I’ll never have a chance like this again and I’m going to live and learn it up while I’ve got it.  Ciao!

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